Updated: May 22, 2018
In order to be successful at better managing conflict and relationships, you need to be emotionally intelligent. It takes so a high emotional quotient ("EQ") in order to be aware of conflict that is happening and how to respond appropriately.
As an employee or even a business owner, there are various ranges of emotions that you may experience when it comes to uncontrollable things (i.e., clients that lie, quit on you, a reduction in force, etc.). High, low, very low, scared, insecure, peaceful, pissed off and/or somewhere in between are all fair emotions. Before you run to the water cooler to catch up on the latest gossip, try to assess yourself against these Ten Habits and if appropriate, make necessary changes in your behavior.
1. Label their feelings, rather than labeling people or situations.
"I feel afraid." vs "You are driving like an idiot."
"I feel impatient." vs "This is ridiculous."
"I feel hurt and bitter." vs "You're an insensitive jerk."
2. Distinguish between thoughts and feelings.
Thoughts: I feel like...& I feel as if... & I feel that
Feelings: I feel: (feeling word)
3. Take responsibility for their feelings.
"I feel jealous" vs. "You are making me jealous."
4. Use their feelings to help them make decisions.
"How will I feel if I do this?" "How will I feel if I don't."
5. Show respect for other people's feelings.
They ask "How will you feel if I do this?" "How will you feel if I don't."
6. Feel energized, not angry.
They use what others call "anger" to help them feel energized to take productive action.
7. Validate other people's feelings.
They show empathy, understanding, and acceptance of other people's feelings.
8. Practice getting a positive value from their negative emotions.
They ask themselves: "How do I feel?" and "What would help me feel better?"
They ask others "How do you feel?" and "What would help you feel better?"
9. Don't advise, command, control, criticize, judge or lecture others.
They realize it doesn't feel good to be on the receiving end of such behavior, so they avoid it.
10. Avoid people who invalidate them, or don't respect their feelings.
As much as possible, they choose to associate only with other people with high EQ.
So how are you doing with your EQ? I know I've got work to do. Let's make a change today.
I hope this blessed you! Please share.